I have so many emotions running through me right now it's amazing i can even think straight..ok scratch that, I cant, that was proven by the man that gave me a $10 note at work today and I could have sworn he gave me a $50, even put the damn thing where the $50 notes go, lucky he was a decent guy and didnt just walk away with his extra $40 change..anywho back to emotions: excitement, guilt, confusion, euphoria, nervousness, more guilt, scared, amazed, bewilderment and guilt. Yes thats the main one today: GUILT!
Why do i feel guilty that I, yes just me, am going away on this amazing trip. I am leaving the family behind which is so very hard especially when a little 4yr old girl begs her Mummy can she come too so she can see her favourite man. Yes at the age of 4 her favourite man is none other than Caleb Followill. And it is going to be so, so hard saying goodbye to them for 11 days, not having them with me for 11 days but i need to do this, I need to try and find myself a bit because she tends to get lost under everything else quite a lot. I just hope i can fully be her in the US and leave all her emotional baggage behind in Aus. I hate guilt, it follows you around and likes to peer its head out when you least expect it. I am allowed to have me time and yes, its a fairly massive huge amount of me time but none the less, i work hard im allowed this right?! I dont want to feel guilty anymore, i want to feel so so happy that i am doing this just for me, one great big huge KOL fan heading over to see her Kings and meet her girls, just for me, for noone else and no other reason except the simple fact that I, Tanya, want to fuckin do it!! Even though its crazy this is so badly what i want to do. So not only is this trip for the Kings, it's for me, about me trying to tell myself that I am allowed to have me time, about forgetting the past that has plagued me for far too long, cementing some beautiful new friendships I have made, adding an incredible experience with one of my bestest friends that will be something we will never forget and hopefully coming back a new and improved person! The next 19 days can not go by fast enough, I need this so much.
Song for the day ~ "Use Somebody" just because yeah, i kinda could use somebody right now!
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STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP WOMAN. It's good for them to be with their dad too. Keep thinking positively, you're doing it in your blog you know why you're doing it but you gotta allow yourself not to feel bad for doing it.
ReplyDeleteOh no, don't feel quilty, you deserve this trip. We all deserve and need some me time. Apart from that we'll find some cool souvenirs for the girls. Just think of their happy faces when you are back. Reunions are great.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely deserve some "me" time. Don't feel guilty. I have to carry around a bit of guilt about my separation and not being with my kids every day, and that is hard. But you have to live your life and I'm coming to the realisation that it is not selfish to do so. Women have a problem with that I think, making ourselves feel guilty for thinking of ourselves. Don't do it girl. We will have so much fun in Nashville and we need this. 3 weeks! :)
ReplyDeleteDont you feel guilty your allowed to have fun and spend time and money on you. As women we spend soo much of our time thinking and ensuring others are happy and spend less then half the time on ourselves!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are important and when we are happy usually the people around us are happier....
Dont allow other peoples negative attitudes bring you down....rise above!
You are a beautiful woman who deserves every happiness xx
No guilt, woman! The very fact that you're feeling guilty about the trip proves what an amazing mother you are, and it'll do you so much good to have this break. It's not like you'll get the chance to do it again so you have to seize it and enjoy the crap out of it. And imagine how much easier it's going to be for you to leave the US, knowing you have three gorgeous daughters to go home to. I have nothing to come home to. I might just stay!
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